“And if a woman should say she doesn’t want to have children at all, the world is apt to go decidedly peculiar: ‘Ooooh, don’t speak too soon,’ it will say - as if knowing whether or not you’re the kind of person who desires to make a whole other human being in your guts, out of sex and food, then have the rest of your life revolve around its welfare, is a breezy, ‘Hey - whevs’ decision. Like electing to have a picnic on an unexpectedly sunny day or changing the background picture on your desktop. ‘When you meet the right man, you’ll change your mind, dear,’ the world will say, with an odd, aggressive smugness.”—
“I think part of the reason we have trouble drawing the line ‘it’s not okay to force someone into sexual activity’ is that in many ways, forcing people to do things is part of our culture in general. Cut that shit out of your life. If someone doesn’t want to go to a party, try a new food, get up and dance, make small talk at the lunchtable—that’s their right. Stop the ‘aww c’mon’ and ‘just this once’ and the games where you playfully force someone to play along. Accept that no means no—all the time.”—
“For many Western men — and women, for that matter — it is beyond unacceptable for a woman to have hairy legs or armpits: it is inconceivable. The perception that ‘normal’ women should be virtually hair-free is a young one: it began in the 1920s when the struggling Wilkinson Sword Company decided to boost its sales by targeting women, with an advertising campaign that claimed female underarm hair was unfeminine and unhygienic. (Of course, if the latter were true it would have equally applied to both genders, but then again advertising campaigns are notorious for preying on women’s insecurities.) This kind of attitude in advertising and the media is pretty one-sided: the target is almost exclusively women who are effectively told they are too ugly unless they buy into certain products or services, ranging from hair removal to diets to tanning creams and so on.”—
If you don’t want to have sex, then don’t have sex, because having sex that you don’t want is bad for you. That is what a sex-positive person should be saying.
1. The concept of “enthusiastic consent” is extremely problematic, not only for many asexual people, but for other groups, one of the most vocal being people on the autistic spectrum. There’s been a lot written about this on tumblr and elsewhere and I’d highly suggest doing some research on the subject.
2. I’m pretty sure OP was not likening those magazines to sex positivity, but rather the people who claim to be sex positive but really are misguided in their views that sex is something that everyone wants, should want, and should spend a lot of time focusing on. The point is that society as a whole puts quite a lot of emphasis on sexual attraction as the norm. Perhaps it’s because of where you grew up, or perhaps it’s because you are not asexual and take things like this for granted without noticing, but it’s pretty amazing and scary just how much of pop culture and society can be alienating to asexual people once you start paying attention.
3. Asexual people “really really aren’t” oppressed? Best case scenario, almost all people who identify as asexual will be told at some point that they don’t know what they’re talking about, that their orientation doesn’t exist, that they’re mentally or physically ill, and that there must be something wrong with them. However, It is not at all uncommon for asexual people to be called inhuman and worthless, to receive rape and death threats, to actually be subject to “corrective rape”, to be told to commit suicide, merely for saying that they are asexual. The overwhelming attitude of the general public is that asexuality isn’t an actual thing or is just a symptom of some disorder. Asexuality is almost completely erased in popular culture, but when it is featured it is done so poorly, such as the episode of House featuring an “asexual” couple where it turned out that the guy had a brain tumor suppressing his otherwise present libido, and his girlfriend was pretending to be asexual to make him feel better. Things like this tell the people watching to view asexuality not as a valid orientation, but as a problem to be cured or something that some people make up for their own convenience. No, asexual people are not nearly as systematically oppressed as other marginalized groups, and as far as I know no one has been killed for being asexual, but we are overwhelmingly told by society that we don’t exist and there’s something wrong with us if we do, and corrective rape and the pervasiveness of people threatening such and other acts of violence is some pretty serious stuff that shouldn’t be brushed off lightly.
4. I’d love to know where you’re getting the idea that asexuality is “the popular minority sexuality to talk about”. I discuss it a lot on my blog because it’s something that’s relevant and important to me, but in general the overwhelming response I get from people is that they have no idea what asexuality is or that it even exists.
5. I don’t think anyone was saying that you speaking about your personal experiences in a positive light is oppressive, and I’m sorry that you interpreted it that way. The problem is with people who objectively think and broadcast the message that sex should be and is awesome and/or important for everyone and who don’t stop to consider that this might not always be the case.
[Image Description: Above are two portrait photos of Morgan, a genderqueer trans woman. Her hair is almost shoulder length and is a mixture of greens, pinks, and yellows. She wears red and black plaid pants with chains and zippers, a ripped up black shirt which hangs flirtily off her shoulder, and a yellow and black checked bandana. Her hands are in her pockets and she looks into the camera. In the photo beneath, she wears the same thing, but has added a smashing red and gold pinstripe jacket covered in zippers, chains, patches, buttons, and badges. She has also added a black beanie. End image description.]
Hey there~ You can call me Morgan, I’m a genderqueer pre-op/pre-hormone transwoman.
mod note: LOVE YOUR LOOK!
Great blog alert! Also, I’m in love with this lady’s outfit/hair.