ramblings of a sleep-deprived costume designer
~ Monday, June 11 ~
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PSA: No sexual orientation is superior to other sexual orientations.

…because I keep seeing really embarrassing conflicts between asexual people and non-asexual people…

Being asexual doesn’t make you a better person because you have more time to think about other things besides sex, because your relationships are more pure or enlightened than sexual ones, or whatever other ridiculous reasons you’re inventing. Stop that. First of all, non-asexual people will tell you that these assumptions are flat out untrue. Just because someone is not asexual doesn’t mean that they spend all of their time thinking about sex and are unable to see the world through any other lens. Even if that’s not what you meant to convey, that’s what it looks like a lot of the time, so please consider what you’ve written before you post these types of things because they can be incredibly hurtful, especially to certain groups who have to deal with being hypersexualized by society on a regular basis. Second, many of these views can look a whole lot like slut-shaming. That’s really not ok, and definitely not the type of views that I want being associated with my orientation.

Not being asexual doesn’t make you a better person either. Yes, there are quite a few asexual people who phrase their confusion about sexual attraction in really problematic ways and deserve to be called out for it, but it seems like this eventually devolves into (or sometimes initially starts out as) people who experience sexual attraction making fun of or harassing those who don’t, purely because they don’t. Asexual people are not immature or wrong for not experiencing or understanding sexual attraction, just as those who do experience sexual attraction are not wrong for doing so and for not understanding what it means to not experience it. Telling asexual people that they’re missing out by not having sexual relationships, that their relationships don’t really count, or anything else that seeks (intentionally or not) to discredit asexuality as a valid orientation is damaging and solves nothing.

To sum it up on a more general level…
It is ok to have feelings or experiences that are different than those of other people.
It is ok to not understand others’ feelings or experiences when you have never had them yourself.
However, it is not ok to assume that you can speak for those feelings or experiences without knowing them firsthand and without educating yourself, and it is not ok to attack, mock, or shame anyone for having feelings or experiences different than your own, as long as they are not causing any harm.
Got it? 

Tags: late night rants asexuality
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